TV Cream Audible offerings from

November 28, 2016  

Chris, Craig and Jack settle in to enjoy the *best horror film ever made with the best songs ever in a film* (this opinion is legally binding). Follow along the chat about the stunt arse, the non-superfluous use of the letter "d" in one of the lead actor's names and learn why Christopher Lee remains  one of Britain's greatest ever men, precisely BECAUSE of those biographical lies told about him after his death.  It's time to keep your appointment with Creamguide(Films).


CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return in early December...

November 14, 2016  

Chris, Craig and Jack revisit the best film Bill Forsyth never made as Restless Natives hoves into view on the big telly.  The much promised chat about Edinburgh shops from the 1980s is in full effect, plus listen out for Chris not noticing the appearance of someone he actually knows in the film and not enough conversation about City Lights.


CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return with a podcast that won't make your apples grow

March 14, 2016  
It's not Holyrood, it's Hollywood! Yes, the desperately threadbare run of the mill humdrum team of Chris, Craig and Jack are joined by comic book and movie international supremo Mark Millar for the latest CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARY. Listen as everyone is too inhibited to swear much as they (sort of) watch the superlative STEPTOE AND SON RIDE AGAIN from 1973 in the company of a man who genuinely knows what he is talking about. Kick off the audio as the beautiful 'Nat Cohen Presents' ident spins into view and enjoy.


SPOILERS: Mark Millar likes Raspberry Ruffles

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return with a sweet treat
February 29, 2016  


What links Superman and Strathclyde Regional Council? Why, it's the latest CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARY! This time it's prime Cannon-fodder Salkind-lite utter shite SUPERMAN IV from 1987. Listen as Chris, Craig and Jack can't even be bothered to swear about the desperate nonsense that killed off a franchise. Top men. Top. Men. 


SPOILERS: Elizabeth Shaw cosmic chocolate selection on post-Christmas special offer in Tesco (at the time)


1. Omnibus "The Last Moguls" from 1988;

2. Kim Hartman;

3. And Switching Channels, which is fun;

4. Moribund and excreta is a Til Death Us Do Part reference. Just sayin;

5. The Famous Teddy Z ran from 1989 to 1990 and featured no one and nothing happened;

6. Total domestic gross $15, 681, 020;

7. With the never-more-Yankee name of Mac McDonald;

8. Terry & Mason's Great Food Trip;

9. He was a Chippendale and is from Leeds. Which somehow doesn't add up;

10. Leader of Strathclyde Regional Council;

11. And in fact the other 'Top Men' from Raiders is the estate agent in the Stetson at the start;

12. He isn't;

13. Yes he is;

14. No idea. But he owns a Model T Ford. It says here;

15. Actually, we remembered that sequence as being much better than it is. Probably out of desperation;

16. There was but it got shelved after this shambles;

17. On February the 6th;

18. Poor Paul. We're all thinking of you;

Creamguide(Films) will return with ... a special superstar treat!

February 15, 2016  
Creamguide(Films) is back! Back! BACK! for 2016 with a request from Robert Gillespie's puppet lion - Disney's live-action frippery from 1981: CONDORMAN. That can only mean swearing, poor impressions, endless menchies for Little and Large and musical interludes. Listen to Jack attempting colloquialisms as Chris blatantly contradicts Craig out of sheer badness: yes, it's business as usual round the Creamguide(Films) Fireplace. Turn on the commentary as the movie ident kicks in and enjoy (!)


SPOILERS: the additional SFX are provided by Chris blowing his nose


1. James Hampton. And he wasn't (that was Fred Sorensen.) But he was in Tales of the Golden Monkey, which is the same thing; 
2. Robert Arden;
3. The Cumbersome Diamond is a Sid Caeser reference. Just sayin;
4. The Jokers from 1967, not in The Assassination Bureau. But Vernon Dobtcheff is (see below.) And Fred Emney, kids!; 
5. About £1,500;
6. From 1968;
7. From 1996. Bishop Wisharton;
8. Checked in to the motel in 1985. The Bruce is her last screen credit, it says here;
9. John 'Baltar' Colicos was Cromwell in that. Pleasance was Cromwell in the very literally-titled Henry VIII and his Six Wives starring Keith 'not long dead' Michell;
10. Vernon Dobtcheff. Most recently he was in Jonathan Strange & Mr Norell;
11. Leslie Dwyer;
12. "Who Killed Mr Partridge?" 12th January 1986. He'd quit to go off and run a pub but wanted to put the shits up the rest of them;
13. The Return of Captain Invincible from 1983;
14. Bonnie and April;
15. There wasn't;
16. 1979. Telt ye;
17. Baby BA-BY! ;
18. And it has a John Barry score;
19. Billed as 'Paramount Pictures Corporation and Walt Disney Productions Present';
20. Kids from 1995. Still can't remember the branding;
21. When they bought Marvel they were urged to include CONDORMAN in the 'universe.' They didn't;
22. Moloch;
23. David Hedison (boo) vs Norman Burton (yay);
24. Robert Arden. And it's Omen III;

Creamguide(Films) will return with SUPERMAN IV

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