Episodes
Friday Oct 30, 2015
Creamguide(Films) Commentaries: Ghostwatch
Friday Oct 30, 2015
Friday Oct 30, 2015
Turn it on when Parky's name appears and enjoy the miserable old scrote do something useful for a change (and this is the BFI DVD release which we think is the same as the BBC one.)
THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'PG'
SPOILERS: The rustling noise isn't Pipes, it's us demolishing a box of After Eights
Creamguide(Films) will return with a journey into SPACE!
Monday Oct 19, 2015
Creamguide(Films) Commentaries: Superman III
Monday Oct 19, 2015
Monday Oct 19, 2015
Creamguide(Films): Rise of the Robots!
It's another instalment of swearing and getting Roshan Seth's name wrong as Chris, Craig and Allan watch the sequel to the sequel to Superman. Yes, it's top-notch Salkindery 'SUPERMAN III' layered over with sexual imagery and impressions of George Chisholm and Windsor Davies. Turn on the commentary as the Warner Brothers logo fades out and stand by with a sausage roll and a tin of Schlitz.
THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'A'
CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) REVERSE FAQ
1. Pinewood, Canada and, erm, Milton Keynes
2. That's probably the Milton Keynes bit
3. 'Salami slicing' apparently
4. -
10 PRINT "YOU ARE A JOBBY"
20 GO TO 10
RUN
5. We used to do that in Laskey's
6. He isn't
7. The Daily Star kicked it off in 1981. No idea if it ever featured in the New York Times or Cleveland Plain Dealer
8. Tomorrow Never Dies
9. It was the episode called "Don't Tug on Superman's Cape" in which his actual wife played his wife
10. Most fire engines are self-pumping, including the Green Goddess. However, we don't think Diana Moran is.
11. It's Gavan
12. And it's Conal Cochran
13. Earth Angel. This used it first.
14. Bill Reimbold (and so is John Bluthal; see below)
15. $60m domestic gross
16. And Mario 'no froff?' Fabrizi, Dave 'Cockleshell Heroes' Lodge, Norman 'Simon, Simon' Rossington
17. Shirley Knight and Caroline Mortimer, it says here
18. And it's still Roshan Seth
19. Ronnie Brody. He was, for example, the head chef in the Grace Bros canteen who says, "rissoles!" and puts his fingers up to Captain Peacock
20. David Daker. It's not him
21. He actually started on telly and got his first film role fucking about behind Yul Brynner in The Ten Commandments
22. She went when she was four
23. Cecil Gaybody
24. He is
25. There is a Canadian ice hockey team called the Wheat Kings. Early European settlers in central Canada who cultivated the wilderness were referred to as 'Wheat Kings.' Neither group has had at any time control access to satellites which have functions to control weather systems.
26. It's 'vs' not 'saves'
27. He has 127 credits on imdb. Mind you, that includes telly. But that's a lot of films.
28. Built in 1975 it sailed under a Bermudan flag and was scrapped in 1999
29. Robert Beatty
30. For some reason they seem to call them 'Irish sausage rolls'
31. It grossed half as much as this at the box office proving that it ought to have found room for Bob Todd. Or a giant foam cowboy hay
32. We're still not sure. We can't be arsed watching it again with the sound up
33. It was in 1980
Creamguide(Films) will return with a Hallowe'en treat (that isn't HALLOWEEN)
Wednesday Oct 07, 2015
Creamguide(Films) Commentaries: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Wednesday Oct 07, 2015
Wednesday Oct 07, 2015
Creamguide(Films) is back! Back!
BACK!
No longer confined to print - finding new ways to write different things
about Day of the Jackal and The October Man - join Chris, Craig, Rose
and Jack for an adventure in critical evaluation and swearing as they
watch Steven Spielydrawers' 1980s teatime classic 'INDIANA JONES AND THE
TEMPLE OF DOOM.' Turn the commentary on just as the Paramount logo
turns to the gong and enjoy as much shady Orientalism as you can handle
in one sitting.
THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'AA'
SPOILERS: They don't like it much.
CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) REVERSE FAQ
1. They married in 1991. Still married.
2. Douglas Slocombe was 71 (at time of writing he's 102.)
3. The Chenjeh kebab is the most popular Xianjing dish in China.
Traditionally made with mutton or mutton fat it is often now made with
pork or chicken. But not like this.
4. The Revenge of the Pink Panther
5. Next year's International Poultry Expo is in Atlanta. We don't know
where it was in 1935.
6. Still alive, he's 69.
7. It was riding the elephants.
8. Apparently he practices entertainment law.
9. Willard Huyck.
10. She was a character in Prisoner: Cell Block H.
11. It's Roshan Seth.
12. Kenneth Williams' boss was Mr Robinson.
13. Didn't Gillian McKeith once pretend to faint to get out of doing her
night?
14. Creamguide(Films) says: The middle film is always the best of a
trilogy, except for Jaws and Indiana Jones (and Terminator.)
15. And his wife was Kate Capshaw's body double.
16. He plays a Gestapo goon in Indiana Jones and His Dad as well.
17. Amrish Puri. He died in 2005.
18. Jake Steinfeld did it this time. Dave Prowse sorted Ford out for
Raiders. We read somewhere.
19. The A-Z of Cool Computer Games by Jack 'Railton' is still available
on Amazon.
20. We recorded this back in April so that was a topical joke then.
Creamguide(Films) will return with SUPERMAN III