TV Cream Audible offerings from www.tvcream.co.uk

August 22, 2016  

The second of three podcasts from TV Cream to brighten summer holiday mornings. As before, two 'great friends' from TVC convene to discuss a couple of TV shows that they just watched. But which? Neither knows what programme the other is about to air...

This week's episode includes: Habitat self-assembly shelving and a man having his hair cut at home.

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August 15, 2016  

A new three-part summer holiday filler from TV Cream! In this endeavour, two TVC pals sit down to talk about two shows... which they've just watched. However, the high concept here is that neither person knows what programme the other is about to show them.

This week's episode includes: A mounted stick-mic and un-replumped cushions on a banquette.

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June 13, 2016  
CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES dives back 25 years to Kinnock's Britain with the searing indictment of casual suits that is Bleasdale's seminal G.B.H. It's just the last episode though, so listen carefully as Chris, Craig and Jack struggle manfully to remember what goes on around that scene where Bill Webster batters folk. Turn it on as the titles kick in and sing along to Jesus Wants Me for a Talbot Sunbeam. 

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'A'

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return with an adventure born in space

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May 30, 2016  

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES is back! Back! BACK! And it's about fucking time too. Join Chris, Craig and Jack in an adventure in Rosemary and Thyme (or Bramwell) as they pick over the DOCTOR WHO TV MOVIE from 1996 - on the very anniversary of its UK transmission - in fine style stopping off to hear from commentary regulars Father Lionel Fanthorpe, Michael Caine and Bob Mills (or Keith Richards) with special guest references to Patsy Byrne and Len Kabasinski: together at last! It's the DVD version that kicks in straight off the bat. So press play from the off and enjoy some barely relevant chat that is at least half human.

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'R'

SPOILERS: He isn't

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) REVERSE FAQ

1) 14th May, 1996
2) He's been in lots of stuff, all of it shit. Except late period Brush Strokes when it got miserable and an episode of Boon which was always great
3) We preferred Dr Quim
4) Just over 9m
5) Southend, as it goes
6) He's a Canadian comedian. Quite successful, surprisingly. We imagine he shouts a lot
7) It was indeed simply called 'John Sessions' from 1990
8) It was Patsy Byrne!
9) Couple of other TV movies; Catherine the Great and The One that Got Away
10) Diana Weston
11) Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose from 1995
12) Luis Silverado. It also featured Richard 'don't mention the dog' Todd, John 'Q' Bluthal, Enn 'de Bargos' Reitel, Hywel 'Tarr' Bennett, Paddie 'Alfred Marks' O'Neill, Helen 'Naked Video' Lederer, Ron 'Pod's dad' Donachie, A Taste of Dora Bryan, Judi Spiers, Bernard 'sandwich' Bresslaw and a further constellation of stars no one but we remember
13) Vortex is a very thick bleach

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return with a day of the great British holiday.

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April 25, 2016  

Run for the hills! No, it's not a callback to Grant Brady 'hair like a lady'; it's the second part of the Creamguide(Films) disaster film commentary double as the team suffer through Roland Emmerich shitfest 2012 so you don't have to! But if you really want to, join Chris, Craig and - always third - Jack as they try to find something to talk about as the awful spectacle unfolds in the background. Turn on the commentary as the idents kick in and feel the desperation as the panel talk about almost any other film they can think of while wishing they were watching Earthquake.

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'R'


CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return with an anniversary battering.

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April 11, 2016  

Creamguide(Films) rockets (!) back...to the future! with the very singularity of puzzlingly shit disaster epics: 1998's DEEP IMPACT.

Help Craig and Jack talk Chris down from a towering inferno of bafflement that has spanned two decades while they mix up Michael Biehn and Jurgen Prochnow and argue over the jelly tots on empire biscuits. There's swearing, comedy fart noises and sheer rage in a film whose ineptitude is so big only the biggest of the big screens can do it justice.

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'R'

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return with a timely CATASTROPHE!

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March 28, 2016  

Grab your giant carrot and take to the TISWAS stage as Chris, Craig, Jack and the Easter bonnet herself Rose sit trembling at the sheer unadulterated horror that is the rabbit version of Passchendaele: WATERSHIP DOWN from 1978. Thrill to the sounds of the Barry Manilow beat as the bunnies rip each other to pieces. And a Happy Easter! 

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'R'

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return with a vision of DISASTER!

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March 25, 2016  

Come with TVC...and you'll be...in a world of imaginative swearing! Join Chris, Craig, Jack as they discuss the massively popular 1971 mittel European weirdo General Foods advert WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY in the company of returning actually-useful contributor Rose. Ponder the sheer wonderment of Gene Wilder's hair as you turn the commentary on as the ident appears and enjoy.

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'AA'


CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return with an Easter rabbitapocalypse

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March 14, 2016  
It's not Holyrood, it's Hollywood! Yes, the desperately threadbare run of the mill humdrum team of Chris, Craig and Jack are joined by comic book and movie international supremo Mark Millar for the latest CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARY. Listen as everyone is too inhibited to swear much as they (sort of) watch the superlative STEPTOE AND SON RIDE AGAIN from 1973 in the company of a man who genuinely knows what he is talking about. Kick off the audio as the beautiful 'Nat Cohen Presents' ident spins into view and enjoy.

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'PG'

SPOILERS: Mark Millar likes Raspberry Ruffles

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return with a sweet treat
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February 29, 2016  

SUPERMAN IV

What links Superman and Strathclyde Regional Council? Why, it's the latest CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARY! This time it's prime Cannon-fodder Salkind-lite utter shite SUPERMAN IV from 1987. Listen as Chris, Craig and Jack can't even be bothered to swear about the desperate nonsense that killed off a franchise. Top men. Top. Men. 

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'AA'

SPOILERS: Elizabeth Shaw cosmic chocolate selection on post-Christmas special offer in Tesco (at the time)

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) REVERSE FAQ

1. Omnibus "The Last Moguls" from 1988;

2. Kim Hartman;

3. And Switching Channels, which is fun;

4. Moribund and excreta is a Til Death Us Do Part reference. Just sayin;

5. The Famous Teddy Z ran from 1989 to 1990 and featured no one and nothing happened;

6. Total domestic gross $15, 681, 020;

7. With the never-more-Yankee name of Mac McDonald;

8. Terry & Mason's Great Food Trip;

9. He was a Chippendale and is from Leeds. Which somehow doesn't add up;

10. Leader of Strathclyde Regional Council;

11. And in fact the other 'Top Men' from Raiders is the estate agent in the Stetson at the start;

12. He isn't;

13. Yes he is;

14. No idea. But he owns a Model T Ford. It says here;

15. Actually, we remembered that sequence as being much better than it is. Probably out of desperation;

16. There was but it got shelved after this shambles;

17. On February the 6th;

18. Poor Paul. We're all thinking of you;

Creamguide(Films) will return with ... a special superstar treat!

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